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| Max: You're crazy...
Lorelai: Very possible...
Max: ...And I'm following you...
Lorelai: Yes, you are...
Max: So possibly I'm crazier than you are...
Lorelai: Again, very possible...
Max: A match made in Heaven.
Lorelai: ...Or in Bellevue
Dean: Well, I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.
Richard: You also knew that you wanted to marry Errol Flynn.
Lorelai: All right, honey, tell Grandma you arrived there not a member of the Junior League, I'd like you to leave there the same way.
Lorelai: I swear to God, if this wasn't a major Judy Blume moment, I would kick her cute little butt right out of here.
Lorelai: I am telling you five minutes in a snowball fight we could knock that stick right out of your butt.
Emily: Have you seen the news?
Lorelai: Ever?
Emily: A bad storm is heading your way. It's already hitting us here.
Lorelai: Well, don't panic. I'll get the ark, you get the animals.
Lorelai: Michel, it's the first snowfall of the season. It's very lucky! Make a wish!
Michel: Get away from me.
Lorelai: Oh, you're not supposed to say it out loud.
(phone rings and Michel answers it)
Lorelai: The world changes when it snows. It's quiet. Everything softens.
Michel: It's your mother.
Lorelai: And then the rain comes.
Lorelai: Okay, well, if it makes you feel any better, while he's being sexy, he's also being grammatically correct.
Luke: Twelve guys stood in a row all night waiting for an enemy that never showed. They got stood up. They should've been wearing prom dresses. | | |
| Lorelai: (hands Rory a drink) Here.
Rory: What is it?
Lorelai: A Shirley Temple.
Rory: What are you drinking?
Lorelai: A Shirly Temple Black.
Rory: (sniffs it) Wow.
Lorelai: I got your good ship lollipop right here, mister.
Lorelai: You didnt build one of those machines like in The Fly did you? We're not going to find you wandering the streets wearing a raspberry head crying, "Eat me!"
Emily: Oh, yes, and there was a t-shirt with a Farrah Fawcett face.
Lorelai: A hero to many who aspire the perfect feather fluff.
Rory: I wonder if the Waltons ever did this.
Lorelai: No, she has her Vulcan death grip on that one.
Lorelai: I think Edith Warton would have been proud, and busy taking notes.
Lorelai: You walk into Denny's before 5pm and youve got yourself a discount.
Lorelai: Im shopping for Rory. Youre shopping for your imaginary granddaughter, Barbara Hutton.
Emily: My daughter, Henny Youngman.
Luke: Shes not here yet.
Lorelai: Alright. Well youll have to entertain me until she arrives. Okay, Burgerboy! Dance!
Luke: Will you marry me?
Lorelai: What?
Luke: Just.. looking for something to shut you up.
Emily: Tomorrow our lawyer, Joseph Stanford, is coming by.
Lorelai: Ugh. Crazy Sissy's dad.
Emily: Thats terrible. Sissy was a good friend of yours.
Lorelai: Mom, Sissy talked to her stuffed animals and they answered her.
Rory: Moms famous for her blowouts.
Lorelai: The best one was her eighth birthday.
Rory: Oh yeah, that was good.
Lorelai: The cops shut us down.
Luke: The cops shut down an eight year olds birthday party?
Rory: And arrested the clown.
Emily: You know, you could get a maid in here once a week to tidy the place up.
Lorelai: I like it cluttered.
Emily: You cant even find the bed.
Lorelai: Yes I can. Its the thing I crash into on the way to the closet.
Emily: This Patricia-
Lorelai: Miss Patty
Emily: She teaches dance?
Lorelai: Among other things.
Rory: So, is this party Grandmas having gonna be a big deal?
Lorelai: Not really. The government will close that day. Flags will fly at half mast. Barbara Streisand will give her final concert.. again.
Rory: Uh-huh.
Lorelai: Now, the Pope has previous plans, but hes trying to get out of them. However, Elvis and Jim Morrison are coming and they're bringing chips.
Lorelai: Oh hey, Rorys birthday party is this Saturday night so start thinking up reasons why you cant come.
Michel: Im going to be out of town.
Lorelai: Ooo, you used that one last year.
Michel: Ill work on it and get back to you.
Lorelai: 7 o'clock, presence mandatory.
Rory: Ill be back in plenty of time to help you decorate.
Lorelai: No. This is your party. You do not work. You lounge and mock those who are. Have I taught you nothing?
Rory: Sorry, Ill try to be better.
Emily: And this man with the ice.
Lorelai: Luke
Emily: How long have you been seeing him?
Lorelai: Luke? Im not seeing Luke. Hes just a friend.
Emily: Mmmm-hmmm.
Lorelai: Mom, I swear. Luke keeps me in coffee. Nothing else.
Emily: He seems to like you.
Lorelai: And youre judging this by what?
Emily: By the way he looked at you.
Lorelai: Which is how?
Emily: Like you were about to give him a lap dance.
Lorelai: Mom, he did not look at me like that.
Emily: Youre pleased.
Lorelai: What?
Emily: You smiled. Youre pleased that the ice man looked at you like a Porterhouse steak.
Lorelai: Im smiling because youre crazy and thats what you do to crazy people to keep them calm. | | |
| Sookie: Oh, very serious face.
Lorelai: Information that would have come out eventually. Like the Iran-Contra scandal.
Rory: So, you're Oliver North
Lorelai: No, Im Fawn Hall.
Lorelai: Where does your mother think you are?
Lane: On a park bench, contemplating the reunification of the two Koreas.
Lorelai: Not here, skanking to Rancid?
Lorelai: Well I want to be in the Bangles but that doesn't mean I quit my job and get a guitar and ruin my life to be a Bangle, does it?
Lorelai: I really like him, Rory. I cant help it. And its been a really long time since Ive felt like this. You cant always control who you're attracted to, you know. I think the whole Angelina Jolie/Billy Bob Thornton thing proves that.
Rory: If you could pick any city in the world you'd pick Philidelphia?
Lane: M. Night Shymalan lives there.
Lorelai: Its like a scene from a kitty version of Valley Of The Dolls.
Rory: They expect things to be homemade.
Lorelai: I know.
Rory: By someone other than Dolly Madison.
Vetrinarian: It wasnt the clams, Maury. In human years, this cat was 260 years old.
Michel: Fine, I shall be French, but I shall not be happy.
Lorelai: Then you'll be yourself. Good choice!
Rory: Ooo, she's cranky this morning.
Lorelai: Lets just say the world's got a formidable opponent.
Dean: Well, Ive been kinda bugging you lately. I thought - I dont know - I thought that maybe you liked me. But its obvious that you're not interested so I just wanted to say that I get it and Im not gonna bother you anymore.
Rory: Wait! I am interested.
Dean: You are?
Rory: Yes. I gotta go.
Lorelai: Im going to be in town tomorrow because I take a class at Hartford State and there's a coffee shop that I sometimes, almost all the time, go to around 4 o'clock and usually exactly 4:12. I could not stop a person from entering said establishment around that time, nor would I ignore them if I knew them if they did.
Lorelai: Why should we date?
Max: Because we are attracted to eachother.
Lorelai: I am attracted to pie, but I do not feel the need to date pie.
Michel: Sir, I am just a simple country boy from Texas. I do not understand this francais business you are babbling about.
Max: How about coffee? You like coffee?
Lorelai: Only with my oxygen.
Babette: I never thought a man would want me.
Lorelai: I know the feeling.
Babette: Oh, please, with that ass? Gimme a break. | | |
| Max: So are you a B-52's girl?
Drella: I am the Artie Shaw of harpists.
Lorelai: Wouldn't want to get you in trouble with Il Duce here.
Drella: Back off, Chevalier.
Rory: A"D" at Stars Hollow High is like an "F" at Chilton. It's worse. Its like a "G" ... or a "W".
Lorelai: So, Im guessing the spelling test didn't go well either?
Lorelai: I hate it when I'm an idiot and I dont know it. I like to be aware of my idiocy, to really revel in it, take pictures. I feel we missed a prime christmas card opportunity.
Lorelai: Can parents come?
Mom: What?
Lorelai: Yeah, its a big, exciting test. I just thought - Im sorry, is that stupid?
Max: No, its not stupid.
Lorelai: I just thought Id like to see the excitement.
Dad: Its a test.
Lorelai: Yeah, I know.
Dad: Whats exciting about a test?
Lorelai: Do you play golf?
Dad: Yes, I do.
Lorelai: You explain yours, Ill explain mine.
(after almost walking into a globe)
Lorelai: What in the world?
Michel: Theres a man with a funny accent on the phone asking for you.
Lorelai: Really? Did you guys exchange a secret handshake?
Lorelai: Here is your 'serious' paper.
Rory: Thank you.
Lorelai: Ooh, and here are your somber highlighters, your maudlin penscils, your manic-depressive pens...
Rory: Mom.
Lorelai: These erasers are on Lithium, So, they seem cheerful, but we caught them trying to shove themselves in the pencil sharpener earlier.
Rory: Im going home.
Lorelai: No, wait! We're going to stage an intervention witht he neon post-it notes and make them give up their wacky crazy ways.
Rory: You are never going shopping with me again.
Lorelai: Ooh, here's a card tray.
Waiter: May I be fired now?
Lorelai: Absolutely.
Lorelai: Behold, in theatres now, "The Thing That Reads Alot."
Lorelai: Last week, there was a huge debate over whether plaid scrunchies were acceptable headwear. People took sides, things got ugly, the scrunchie motion finally passed and Id like tot hink I was the tie breaker.
Rory: Lorelai, go to your room!
Lorelai: Wow, smart girls are mean!
Luke: You look like you need pie.
Rory: I do?
Luke: Violent pencil tossing usually signals the need for pie.
Rory: What if Id thrown a pen?
Luke: I wouldve brought you a trout.
Rory :What?
Luke: I dont make the rules, I just carry them out.
Lorelai: Youre gunna ace this test.
Rory: You think so?
Lorelai: Oh yeah. I bet you... a dollar.
Rory: A dollar? Thats all my future is worth?
Lorelai: Well, you did get a "D".
Rory: Oh my god, I just got hit by a deer!
Lane: You hit a deer?
Rory: No, I got hit by a deer!
Lane: How do you get hit by a deer?
Rory: I was at a stop sign and it hit me!
Lane: Was it a four way stop?
Rory: What does that matter?
Lane: I dont know. I dont know what to ask after you've been hit by a deer. | | |
| Richard: Rory, I have a surprise. Not only did I find that copy of Menken's Chrestomathy we discussed, I also found a first edition of his memoirs as well.
Lorelai: So you know what I was thinking?
Rory: That Madonna and Sean Penn should get remarried?
Mrs. Shales: Jackie wants Samuel Barber, John Cage, and Phillip Glass.
Lorelai: Okay, Bob Barker.
Mrs. Shales: Jessica wants Shania Twain's "I Feel Like a Woman".
Babette: Morey was playing some Thelonious on the Steinway.
Richard: It's Peyton Place.
Drella: Hey, Pepe Le Pew, you want to give me a hand with this?
Lorelai: It's like a really snooty Doublemint commercial.
Michel: To me, you are the teacher in the Charlie Brown cartoon.
Lorelai: I'm talking about that you take my sweaters and you wear them and you stretch them out.
Rory: I couldn't possibly stretch them out! Your boobs are way bigger than mine.
Lorelai: That is not true.
Rory: Yes it is.
Lorelai: Your boobs are totally bigger than mine!
Rory: You're crazy!
Lorelai: Do you want to measure?
Rory: What?
Lorelai: I'm serious. Why don't you get the measuring tape right now?
Rory: I am not going to measure my boobs.
Lorelai: Because you know that you are totally bigger.
Rory: I'm going inside.
Lorelai: Fine, don't measure. We'll just compare bras.
Michel: The battle for soup versus salad is waging in the other room. Come quick and settle it, please, as I am running out of French curse words that they won't understand.
Lorelai: A crazy evil spirit obsessed with bra size took over my body.
Mrs. Shales: Do you have children?
Lorelai: A daughter.
Mrs. Shales: Do you hate her?
Lorelai: No.
Mrs. Shales: Not ever?
Lorelai: Well, I wasn't wildly fond of her during labor.
Mrs. Shales: That was the high point for me.
Lorelai: The dinner was so wonderful, Mira.
Sarah: It's Sarah.
Lorelai: Oh, I'm sorry.
(Sarah leaves.)
Lorelai: Mom! Her name is Sarah!
Emily: I thought she said Mira.
Lorelai: Ugh.
Emily: Mira, come cut the cake please.
Lorelai: Yes, and why don't you bring Sarah out here with you?
Emily: So, Lorelai, how are things at that charming little inn of yours?
Lorelai: Mm -- they're still charming and little. We're just crossing our fingers it doesn't assert itself and become rude and large.
Mrs. Shales: Their father spoiled them.
Lorelai: Oh, they're just excited.
Mrs. Shales: They're spoiled. And they won't move away.
Lorelai: I'm sorry. Dad, how do you mix up Anton and Sophia?
Richard: What do you mean?
Lorelai: Well, one is a man and one is a woman.
Richard: And your point being?
Lorelai: That one is a man and one is a woman.
Richard: I have a lot to do in a day, Lorelai. I don't have time to keep up with the multitudes of people that your mother employs.
Lorelai: But one is a man and one is a woman.
Rory: Is it hard to become a member here?
Richard: Everyone has to go through a thorough screening process.
Rory: Kind of like the FBI?
Richard: We're much more thorough than that.
Drella: Hate to hear the talk, love to watch the walk! | | |
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